A Night . . .

And here comes a night

Stars showering up the light

Shadows are playing ball

Time creep up a celestial wall

Legs dangle

Shoulders jostle

A husky voice passes through the ear

Fingers unerringly seeking very near

Fresh air giving me breath

All worries getting end

Wings are ready to give me a fly

Into the sky very high

Things happening just because of her

A friend indeed cum cheer

Giving me joy making life burled

Proving innocence still left in this cunning world.

And I saw her ....

And I saw her today

She was looking different

A mask is covering all of her innocence

Like before, her eyes were not talking to my soul

Lips were moving but not for me

She was drunk but not in her original way

Fingers were creeping but not on my hand

She was constantly denying my presence

But my heart was floating within the ranges of tides

Together, we shared many laughs and moments of joy,

Now she is laughing by making fun of me among her friends.

I wondered, why she has changed

My newness has faded, Is that the reason?

But still, my heart constantly jumping to the throat around her

I am choosing her, day after day

It’s difficult to speak to an unfeeling stone, to weep in front of its blank face.

I constantly imagine footsteps, as if she is running to comfort me.  
I know it's just my mind, but my heart gives way to hope.

She & I . . .

She illuminates the world with the reflected light of full moon night,

I am the darkness of a new moon night.

She is the evening of Paris,

I am the dawn of Banaras.

She has all the colors of the rainbow in her life,

I have a life full of black color type.

She is strong as a rock,

I am weak as molten iron.

She only checks,

I always love.

She is euphoric,

I am melancholic. 

She has a milky white complexion that would put Photoshop a shame,

I am covered with few last ashes of carbon coming out of flame.

She is a river, meandering in and out of my heart,

I am so deserted that she never gives a thought.

She is a goddamn goddess and so hard to describe,

I am way out of her league.  

She is my life,

I am not of her type.

But still “She” & “I” exist in distorted manner,

Trying to become “We” in some sorted manner.

            

उमीदों की राहें

आजकल अक्सर निकल जाया करता हूँ,  

उन रास्तों को टटोलने जहाँ कभी हम गुज़रा करते थे - 

बहुत सी बातें किया करते थे, 

कुछ सपने बुना करते थे,

लड़ा करते थे, हंसा करते थे और खुल के जिया करते थे |

अब उन रास्तों से गुज़रते हुए - 

मैं सहम जाता हूँ, 

ठहर जाता हूँ, 

उलझ जाता हूँ,  

क्यूंकि मैं खुद को अकेला पाता हूँ | 

राह में कई जगह कुछ बिखरे टुकड़े पड़े मिलते हैं,  

मुझे अपने बीच देख वो भी खिल उठते हैं, 

मैं उन्हें समेट के अपने पास ले आता हूँ, 

और उन्हें जोड़ते-जोड़ते पाता हूँ -

वो कुछ और नहीं, मेरे ही टूटे बिखरे सपने थे |

उन अनजान राहों में - 

आज भी सब कुछ वही है, 

पर कुछ कमी है,

अब वहां रूमानियत नहीं, गुस्से और नफरत की दीवारे हैं, 

अब वहां तुम नहीं, सिर्फ तुम्हारी यादें हैं |  

पर फिर भी चला जाता हूँ उन राहों पर, 

उम्मीद लिए, कि कभी वो रास्ते मुझे तुम तक ले जाएँ, 

नफरतों की दीवारें बिखर जाएँ, 

टूटे सपने फिर से जुड़ जाएँ, 

एक नयी शुरुआत हो जाए, और हम फिर से एक हो जाएँ |

Aspects of Loving Her

Love is like the wind, you can't see it, but you can feel it. Love is the most beautiful thing happened to anybody. There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment. It happened only when you find someone who can truly turn your world around.

Loving her gave me the most precious moments of my life. God was really kind to me for giving me such a beautiful experience. Loving her means to feel proud to have her part of my life.

Loving her gave me that courage to share all those things which I have never shared with another soul. I shared my hopes for future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at me. I engaged her in all of my dreams.

Loving her means to keep her as the first thought in mind when I wake up and the last thought when I sleep. Even while sleeping her angelic part always plays well with my inner demons.

Loving her means having my entire day lit up by just getting a “Good Morning” text from her. Doesn’t matter how many obstacles are waiting for me during the day, but her spark is enough to keep my moral high. I always keep her with me in my thoughts while doing every little thing. Whenever I had something to cheer about, she was the first one whom I want to speak out to share my overflooded energetic dancing emotions.

Loving her cause my eyes to get cemented whenever I find her in front of mine. It was a real joy to see how sunshine plays with her hair, how her little eyes generate twinkle which could make the stars feel low in full moon night, how her smile turn up all the dead flowers, how her sweet voice constrain earth to dance on its axis. I never understood how a small mole on her cheek could become so much inviting.

Loving her makes my every prayer in front of god comprise of only one wish i.e. to be with her. She is a miracle that can happen to only few lucky people and I am the one. She is beautiful - not only in looks but in every single aspect of being a girl.

Loving her gave me the true meaning of my life. In her light, I learnt how to love. In her beauty, I started making poems. I was amazed when I noticed you in that way for the very first time, not because of your beauty, but because of the fact that everything I have ever wanted was right there in front of my eyes.

Loving her makes me to cherish moments of that kiss which actually never happened. But that kiss was memorable in ways - It was part of long husky conversations, It was part of few casual promises, it was part of a balloon dream, it was part of those feelings which were never expressed, it was the only kiss that we shared in pictures and videos. Many times, that kiss still helped me out to surpass the feeling of basorexia.

Loving her means to get jealous and mad whenever any other guy talks to her because you never want anybody else to know how good she is.

Loving her was never easy. I don’t know how to put everything into words or there are enough words to describe those emotions. You wish things would turn out how you want them to but loving her means being okay when those expectations fall apart.

Loving her essentially understands that some part of mine will always want her, the good, the bad and the ugly, that a little part of me will always love her. Because after all, in loving her, I had and will only ever give her the best of me. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as silly words, songs or drive become invaluable treasures kept safe in my heart to cherish forever.

Why I write ?

It has been long enough I haven't written anything. I tried my best to pursue this art of mine but got failed every time. Why? Why I am unable to convey in words about what I actually feel? Have I lost that art of putting everything into words? Or Have I lost all my emotions and became tough? From last few days I am asking all these questions from myself.

To find out all the answers today I travelled back into that time when I wrote my first poem. I started writing to put out all my emotions into papers. There are times that push you to write, emotions have to ooze out that you just cannot contain them. Feelings are everywhere and there is an urgency to share, to put it down. Isn’t writing so beautiful? It is so pure, it is real and it is for an eternity.

Writing is the shortest way to seek peace. While writing you always talk to yourself, there are several questions you ask from yourself and you seek their answers within self. Several thoughts bombarded into your minds, eyes get covered with flashbacks and you start travelling on the wonderful path consisting of imaginary scenes. While writing you can design your own world, you can explore all the things for which you are afraid of, you can write to be the characters that you are not and most importantly you can write to give yourself strength. Writing gives you courage to spell out everything without even worrying about other’s consent. You write and other people follow you.

There are several topics on which you can write like about your dreams, passion, love, history, current happenings, etc but the basic ingredient of writing is inspiration. You must possess some inspiration to write, without inspiration it is very tough to design your inner thoughts. Luckily I had that inspiration with me when I wrote my first poem but unfortunately with time it faded away and so as my reason to write. But I will write, I have to write, just to keep my promise alive.

People come and go but in words you can keep them close to yourself forever. Memory too, faded away with time but with words you can keep moments alive. While writing you can paint a picture of your's with the one who gives you the sheer happiness of the world. You can stare on those well crafted words with a thought "Sometimes, you just look at things you know you can never have....".

A Lost Way

Darkness surrounds me

Storm of emotions burning my soul

Feeling so hateful to myself

Is there any sunshine to light my way?

I am shattered

Head is clouded with gloomy thoughts

Want to disappear with eyes bloodshot

Aimless running is a better option.

On the way, cold wind touched my face

My mood swings

Images of recent good moments passing through my eyes

Leaving me in feeling of half crying half laughing.

In feeble trembled voice, I shouted -

“I would not cry”,

“I want to smile”,

“I want to live a life full of vibrant colors in it”;

Again a new question emerges out of my mind

“Do I have any reason to smile?”

Mood swings again

And I realized I was in illusion from past few days;

I am succumbed

I am so insignificant to this world

Suffocation giving me thousand deaths every single second

Feathers! Please help me to fly.

No! Says Feathers

Reminding me of the joys their red color had felt recently

Their fragrance holds me tight making my face stoic

Those thoughts left me devastated as they were part of an illusion

I am so helpless now

My mind is blank

Is there anyone to hold my arm?
As I am heading towards A Lost Way !

सपने में एक सपना....

सुबह सुबह की बात है , 

आँख खुली भी नहीं थी कि नम हो गयी |

आँख का नम होना कुछ नया नहीं था ,

लेकिन इस बार कारण कुछ नया था, अलग था |

इस बार आँसू ख़ुशी के थे , 

कुछ तो अच्छा हुआ होगा ?

जी हाँ, अभी अभी मैंने सपने में एक सपना सच होते देखा है ||

मेरी सोयी आस फिर से जाग गयी है, 

कोशिकाओं में रक्त संचार दुरुस्त हो गया है, 

दिल ख़ुशी से हिलोरे मार रहा है ,

आकांक्षाओं की नदी तेज़ बह रही है , 

बंद आँखों से भी कुछ दिख रहा है ,

उदासीन नींद टूट रही है ,

यथार्थ का यथार्थ से मिलन हो रहा है ,

कुछ तो नया हो रहा है |

अभी अभी मैंने सपने में एक सपना सच होते देखा है ||

If I have that 25th hour ...!!

Every single second of my life consists of you

But 24 hours are not sufficient as I am too much into you  

So now I need more time in a day to love you in different way

To do the things which I can’t do in the given real time

So here the idea emerges of an extra 25^th hour ....

If I have that 25^th hour I would like to –

Love you more just to assure that this is not just an obsession

Make you understand how much I am into you without even saying anything

Feel guilty by bending down on my knees for all my wrong doings

Bring that lost faith and trust back within our relation

Thank you for all the joys you bring into my life

Remove every single possible reason that could separate you from me

Get transform myself into a newer version of your type

Go on an extra mile drive on the way that moves only in single direction

Go on a place where no eyes could catch your glorified beauty except mine

Laugh with you like an insane on the silly things which happened to us

Find you by just smelling your fragrance when my eyes covers with strap

Hold you in my arms so tight that even air couldn’t be able to pass

Clasp your hand so that you can’t run away

Get lost in your sparky twinkling eyes

Creep a feather on your crystal clear glowing face

Move my fingers onto your white slippery skin

Play with your hairs having a lush black forest within

Take a touch of your shiny lip gloss so that I could feel your breath on my lips

Get wet in rain holding you in my arms

Dance with you on a breathless song without getting restless for whole night

Drink alcohol that much so that only my fingers crawl to seek you

Die in the meantime as I don’t have time for the same during those real 24 hours

I wish If I have that 25^th hour ….!!

Glimpses of 2013

As December of 2013 is fading away and a New Year is about to hit the clock, I am remembering the moments which I lived in last 12 months. I will always remember 2013 as a “Turning Point” for my life. When this year started I was full of grit and determination to achieve the goals I set for myself. I was highly motivated having a clear roadmap for whole year.

I was cultivating my dreams from last 10 years and first two months of this year were part of that cultivation process. But divine forces of this universe have some other plans for my life. March was the month that changed everything in my life including my identity. How rightly said “A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it”; that exactly what happened to me. A decade passed away by holding a dream but just a single incident changed all that.

I am still not sure whether it was a right decision to change the path of life or not. But all I know is that now I am a different person and actually I am in love with this new identity. May be I just overrated everything and took some wrong steps but this is the time to move ahead on the current path as I am the only one who chooses this way. This was the year to ask questions from myself consisting of many what’s, why’s , How’s, etc. and every answer has its core idea of ‘Never Give up’ approach.  

Flashbacks of 2013 reminds me of moments full of excitements, fun, love, lies, promises, sorrow, drives, meetings, emotions, hopes, prays, care, losing self-control, sleepless nights, getting mad, laughing and trying a ‘new’ thing, learning new ‘words’. The better part of year was too good to over cover all the sorrowful dark days. I am thankful to God for giving me all these vibrant colors of life and also an amazing individual ‘M’.

It is worth to mention here that this year also changed my taste for literature. Even I wrote poem for the very first time in life. More accomplishments were getting published and to get associated with some major media portals.

It gives me pain to think about all those friends of mine who ditched me or get separated from me for some unknown reasons.  I am also the reason for some broken friendships as I was running for something to badly that I never even bothered about other things.

Apart from my personal life, Sachin Tendulkar’s retirement and making of Arvind Kejriwal led AAP government in Delhi are the stories that touched my heart. Also watching 'Raanjhanaa' was an indescribable experience. 

Nobody is perfect, neither me nor you so it’s time to say sorry to all whom I hurt knowingly or unknowingly and many thanks to others for giving me moments of joy.

Special thanks to God for sending his envoy to add colors into my life, for transforming my passion and for everything else that happened to me. I am blessed by your move as I have a strong belief that my prayers will never go in vain and The major turnaround which my life took in this current year will take me to some good heights and will prove all my decisions correct.

I hope the upcoming year will bring more joy in everybody’s life and make the world prosperous for living.

Happy New Year!!