Sorry

I feel so much guilt,

For the mistake I did,

You are my love,

And I made you cry,

I am so sorry from the bottom of my heart.

I confess I am weak,

I messed up that time,

Got my heart full of greed,

Wanted more than I need,

I let you down, and I feel it deep within me.

I know sorry can't fully make up for what I did,

So, I am ready to bend down on knees,

To seek apology for the crime I committed,

Punish me as hard as you can,

But please don’t stop loving me for God sake.

I try so hard to hope that you always see,
How much you being in my life mean to me.
You are everything I think about,

Everything I need, everything I want.

Forgive me as I promise to never do this again.

She & I . . .

She illuminates the world with the reflected light of full moon night,

I am the darkness of a new moon night.

She is the evening of Paris,

I am the dawn of Banaras.

She has all the colors of the rainbow in her life,

I have a life full of black color type.

She is strong as a rock,

I am weak as molten iron.

She only checks,

I always love.

She is euphoric,

I am melancholic. 

She has a milky white complexion that would put Photoshop a shame,

I am covered with few last ashes of carbon coming out of flame.

She is a river, meandering in and out of my heart,

I am so deserted that she never gives a thought.

She is a goddamn goddess and so hard to describe,

I am way out of her league.  

She is my life,

I am not of her type.

But still “She” & “I” exist in distorted manner,

Trying to become “We” in some sorted manner.

            

Aspects of Loving Her

Love is like the wind, you can't see it, but you can feel it. Love is the most beautiful thing happened to anybody. There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment. It happened only when you find someone who can truly turn your world around.

Loving her gave me the most precious moments of my life. God was really kind to me for giving me such a beautiful experience. Loving her means to feel proud to have her part of my life.

Loving her gave me that courage to share all those things which I have never shared with another soul. I shared my hopes for future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at me. I engaged her in all of my dreams.

Loving her means to keep her as the first thought in mind when I wake up and the last thought when I sleep. Even while sleeping her angelic part always plays well with my inner demons.

Loving her means having my entire day lit up by just getting a “Good Morning” text from her. Doesn’t matter how many obstacles are waiting for me during the day, but her spark is enough to keep my moral high. I always keep her with me in my thoughts while doing every little thing. Whenever I had something to cheer about, she was the first one whom I want to speak out to share my overflooded energetic dancing emotions.

Loving her cause my eyes to get cemented whenever I find her in front of mine. It was a real joy to see how sunshine plays with her hair, how her little eyes generate twinkle which could make the stars feel low in full moon night, how her smile turn up all the dead flowers, how her sweet voice constrain earth to dance on its axis. I never understood how a small mole on her cheek could become so much inviting.

Loving her makes my every prayer in front of god comprise of only one wish i.e. to be with her. She is a miracle that can happen to only few lucky people and I am the one. She is beautiful - not only in looks but in every single aspect of being a girl.

Loving her gave me the true meaning of my life. In her light, I learnt how to love. In her beauty, I started making poems. I was amazed when I noticed you in that way for the very first time, not because of your beauty, but because of the fact that everything I have ever wanted was right there in front of my eyes.

Loving her makes me to cherish moments of that kiss which actually never happened. But that kiss was memorable in ways - It was part of long husky conversations, It was part of few casual promises, it was part of a balloon dream, it was part of those feelings which were never expressed, it was the only kiss that we shared in pictures and videos. Many times, that kiss still helped me out to surpass the feeling of basorexia.

Loving her means to get jealous and mad whenever any other guy talks to her because you never want anybody else to know how good she is.

Loving her was never easy. I don’t know how to put everything into words or there are enough words to describe those emotions. You wish things would turn out how you want them to but loving her means being okay when those expectations fall apart.

Loving her essentially understands that some part of mine will always want her, the good, the bad and the ugly, that a little part of me will always love her. Because after all, in loving her, I had and will only ever give her the best of me. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as silly words, songs or drive become invaluable treasures kept safe in my heart to cherish forever.

Why I write ?

It has been long enough I haven't written anything. I tried my best to pursue this art of mine but got failed every time. Why? Why I am unable to convey in words about what I actually feel? Have I lost that art of putting everything into words? Or Have I lost all my emotions and became tough? From last few days I am asking all these questions from myself.

To find out all the answers today I travelled back into that time when I wrote my first poem. I started writing to put out all my emotions into papers. There are times that push you to write, emotions have to ooze out that you just cannot contain them. Feelings are everywhere and there is an urgency to share, to put it down. Isn’t writing so beautiful? It is so pure, it is real and it is for an eternity.

Writing is the shortest way to seek peace. While writing you always talk to yourself, there are several questions you ask from yourself and you seek their answers within self. Several thoughts bombarded into your minds, eyes get covered with flashbacks and you start travelling on the wonderful path consisting of imaginary scenes. While writing you can design your own world, you can explore all the things for which you are afraid of, you can write to be the characters that you are not and most importantly you can write to give yourself strength. Writing gives you courage to spell out everything without even worrying about other’s consent. You write and other people follow you.

There are several topics on which you can write like about your dreams, passion, love, history, current happenings, etc but the basic ingredient of writing is inspiration. You must possess some inspiration to write, without inspiration it is very tough to design your inner thoughts. Luckily I had that inspiration with me when I wrote my first poem but unfortunately with time it faded away and so as my reason to write. But I will write, I have to write, just to keep my promise alive.

People come and go but in words you can keep them close to yourself forever. Memory too, faded away with time but with words you can keep moments alive. While writing you can paint a picture of your's with the one who gives you the sheer happiness of the world. You can stare on those well crafted words with a thought "Sometimes, you just look at things you know you can never have....".

If I have that 25th hour ...!!

Every single second of my life consists of you

But 24 hours are not sufficient as I am too much into you  

So now I need more time in a day to love you in different way

To do the things which I can’t do in the given real time

So here the idea emerges of an extra 25^th hour ....

If I have that 25^th hour I would like to –

Love you more just to assure that this is not just an obsession

Make you understand how much I am into you without even saying anything

Feel guilty by bending down on my knees for all my wrong doings

Bring that lost faith and trust back within our relation

Thank you for all the joys you bring into my life

Remove every single possible reason that could separate you from me

Get transform myself into a newer version of your type

Go on an extra mile drive on the way that moves only in single direction

Go on a place where no eyes could catch your glorified beauty except mine

Laugh with you like an insane on the silly things which happened to us

Find you by just smelling your fragrance when my eyes covers with strap

Hold you in my arms so tight that even air couldn’t be able to pass

Clasp your hand so that you can’t run away

Get lost in your sparky twinkling eyes

Creep a feather on your crystal clear glowing face

Move my fingers onto your white slippery skin

Play with your hairs having a lush black forest within

Take a touch of your shiny lip gloss so that I could feel your breath on my lips

Get wet in rain holding you in my arms

Dance with you on a breathless song without getting restless for whole night

Drink alcohol that much so that only my fingers crawl to seek you

Die in the meantime as I don’t have time for the same during those real 24 hours

I wish If I have that 25^th hour ….!!

Glimpses of 2013

As December of 2013 is fading away and a New Year is about to hit the clock, I am remembering the moments which I lived in last 12 months. I will always remember 2013 as a “Turning Point” for my life. When this year started I was full of grit and determination to achieve the goals I set for myself. I was highly motivated having a clear roadmap for whole year.

I was cultivating my dreams from last 10 years and first two months of this year were part of that cultivation process. But divine forces of this universe have some other plans for my life. March was the month that changed everything in my life including my identity. How rightly said “A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it”; that exactly what happened to me. A decade passed away by holding a dream but just a single incident changed all that.

I am still not sure whether it was a right decision to change the path of life or not. But all I know is that now I am a different person and actually I am in love with this new identity. May be I just overrated everything and took some wrong steps but this is the time to move ahead on the current path as I am the only one who chooses this way. This was the year to ask questions from myself consisting of many what’s, why’s , How’s, etc. and every answer has its core idea of ‘Never Give up’ approach.  

Flashbacks of 2013 reminds me of moments full of excitements, fun, love, lies, promises, sorrow, drives, meetings, emotions, hopes, prays, care, losing self-control, sleepless nights, getting mad, laughing and trying a ‘new’ thing, learning new ‘words’. The better part of year was too good to over cover all the sorrowful dark days. I am thankful to God for giving me all these vibrant colors of life and also an amazing individual ‘M’.

It is worth to mention here that this year also changed my taste for literature. Even I wrote poem for the very first time in life. More accomplishments were getting published and to get associated with some major media portals.

It gives me pain to think about all those friends of mine who ditched me or get separated from me for some unknown reasons.  I am also the reason for some broken friendships as I was running for something to badly that I never even bothered about other things.

Apart from my personal life, Sachin Tendulkar’s retirement and making of Arvind Kejriwal led AAP government in Delhi are the stories that touched my heart. Also watching 'Raanjhanaa' was an indescribable experience. 

Nobody is perfect, neither me nor you so it’s time to say sorry to all whom I hurt knowingly or unknowingly and many thanks to others for giving me moments of joy.

Special thanks to God for sending his envoy to add colors into my life, for transforming my passion and for everything else that happened to me. I am blessed by your move as I have a strong belief that my prayers will never go in vain and The major turnaround which my life took in this current year will take me to some good heights and will prove all my decisions correct.

I hope the upcoming year will bring more joy in everybody’s life and make the world prosperous for living.

Happy New Year!!

Hold My Hand

Sparsh & Shinaya got together during the early Spring days. Season's cycle is in its last quarter and Sparsh is pretty sure Shinaya will never let him fall away in spite of the fact that she is just untouched till now with all his efforts....!!

During the early spring season

You entered in my life for a reason.

We had lot of talks 

And silently love emerges on the walks.

You warned me not to fall in the flow

But you yourself allowed it to grow.

Suddenly we both fell into the trap

Love was all around having eyes covered with strap.

I was so happy after getting you

It was an unforeseen dream which came true.

Good days wont lasts as all is flux nothing stays still

You went away breaking all the promises against my will.

Since then I have been running so long

Winter came keeping me all alone.

Still there remains lot of moisture in my eyes

But you are just untouched ignoring all my tries.

May be I have made lot of mistakes

But I always try to give you my best.

Never mind in losing all the argument with you just to avoid fight

Being with you in every situation is all my plight.

You have added colors to my life 

Like an ink drop does with water light.

You are the only one with whom I have walked that extra mile

As you are the only reason I have to smile.

It hurts me a lot

When you treat me like an ordinary odd.

Are those "effects" not enough for you to make me feel special

Or you have someone else more influential.

Sudden flashbacks reminds me of those amazing days

I wonder will ever be able to live them again in ways.

Not sure of anything as mist of confusion surrounds

But all I need is fragrance of you all around.

Your behavior is making me shattered

May be you find my emotions fractured.

But I promise I would love fighting with you

Rather than loving someone else more than you.

Don't have any idea how long I will be able to continue with the flow

I am very much tired and ready to melt like snow.

One day my eyes will get close and this journey will get end

But I am sure before that you will Hold my Hand !!

Still.. I am in you !!

Sparsh, a low profile average looking undesirable guy losing his ground on the tough path of love. He is too tired of trying and unable to prove his worth in front of Shinaya, a girl full of indescribable beauty.  

I still remember the time

When you were mine.

Now time has changed, so as you

What remains unchanged is spark of your shine.

Everyday I wake up with a hope

Whole day passes down by finding the scope.

Sometimes I feel I’m all done and tired of trying

In the end I find this struggle worthy as you are in my soul.

I am old fashioned as I take relationships seriously

I act and pretend like full of curiosity.

I am not perfect and I don’t deserve an Angel like you

But I am all yours sincerely.

I get jealous I get mad

I do care as you are my fate.

I don’t want anyone else to find out how amazing you really are

As I’m living a dream to be your life mate.

We met accidently for a reason

Pretty early I felt for you as it was a love season.

Whole world conspired me to realize you are not worthy enough for this feeling

But I continue of trying hard to prove you a blessing rather than a lesson.

Many times I stumbled, trembled and felt unsecure

I have been lied to and get hurt on this detour.

Moments came when my mind finds its over

Persistence is all my heart learned by keeping me endure.

Oh’ Girl please understand the things from my side too

I don’t know the dirty tricks to make you woo.

No mind games and no lies is the key of honest relationship

My worst fear is losing you so give me a chance as I don’t deserve a queue.

You possess an Angelic twinkle

Sunshine smile of yours gives my heart love sprinkle.

Even a thought of you is enough to drive me crazy

Come to me baby, my earth has stopped moving and heart is tired of getting wrinkled.

I have a dream to be with you

Love is too weak a word for what I feel for you.

You have bewitched my body and soul

Just give me sign so that I can follow the avenue.

I have decided to stick with the path of loving you

I just hate the idea of anyone else having you.

Miracles do happen every day and I just need one for me

As still… I am in you !!